I had a friend years ago who was
single in a small town. I’d say there were few options for her, but the reality
is it was technically a small city,
not a town, and men far outnumbered
women in this growing semi-oil, mostly air force city. That’s neither here nor
there. Sometimes a person has to find their mate in obscure out of the way
places…like me meeting my husband who lived in another country, while I lived
in a large capital city. Any ways, my friend, she’s single…still I think too. (We
haven’t been in contact for a while.) Single and giving online dating sites a
try she finds what sounds like a great prospect. The catch? He lives a few
hours away in a much bigger city.
This guy who I never meet and I don’t
think she met in person either has a life in this big city and a good one at
that. He is not too keen on the idea of leaving that life or that city. My
friend, who took a huge leap moving to her smaller city to start her career and
had been there for a few years, planted strong roots in her community, was also
not keen on changing her life or location. She expressed her views to me in the
context of the “big city guy” being a jerk for expecting her…or any woman he
might develop a relationship with to move to his location because he didn’t
want to change his own life.
If she had couched it a little
differently, acknowledging her very similar position I might have responded a
little less aggressively. But no! She was annoyed and spouting the negative
ideas that make feminists appear hypocritical. Me…an anti-feminist with liberal
tendencies…LOL…got seriously annoyed with her in return and explained that she
has no right to expect him to have a different opinion. He also has roots in
his community. Maybe my annoyance had more to do with personal experience being
ready to leave not just a small city, but a country and a very good career to
be with someone I loved, or watching the love affair my parents had with each
other during their treks about the world…mom “following” dad. Bias or no, this
chick and others like her have to recognize their hypocrisy.
Also…and this is the best part…for me
because it’s funny…probably not for the ladies in question…if a guy is really
into you he will consider changing his life for you and vice versa. That means
my friend’s prospect was not much of a prospect, and neither was she in this
instance.
I don’t remember her reaction to my reaction…I didn’t really care either. I still don’t. I did pick up my life and change it for a man. I risked giving my career up and needing to start all over for him. I will literally have to do this over and over because my husband’s work moves us constantly. I don’t care though. He was willing to change his life for me and he did, in a manner. I’ve adapted. I haven’t lost my career. In fact, I’ve actually found a way to make it better. I hope my friend finds someone she is willing to pick up her life for, even if she doesn’t actually have to, and I hope he feels the same way for her.
