Had I Known...Another List for Brides to Be

Everyone says they would do it differently, and I'm one of those people. I wish I knew about Pinterest and Etsy before I got married. I wish I knew where I might get disappointed in the planning process. When considering all of these "wishes" and "wishes" I've heard from other brides I came up with this list. These are not all points from my own wedding, but from what I’ve seen, heard and experienced at several weddings, including my own.

Have help – Make sure, even if you are a planning fiend, to have someone who CAN and WILL help you.  This person should be a phone call and short drive away. They should NOT be your fiancé, and don’t necessarily have to be your Maid of Honor. Even if all do is use them to bounce ideas off of and complain about the problems you’re having, that’s okay.

Be prepared to go it alone – Whether or not you have people who say they will help or have committed to do things for you have a back up plan wherever possible. Don’t be surprised if you feel like you’re the only one doing all the work, because the truth is you might very well being doing most of it.

Be clear with everyone – Bridezilla is a real thing and happens for one of two reasons, you weren’t clear to begin with or everyone around you is a moron. To limit outbursts make sure everyone who is part of your wedding, including guests know everything you would want to know if you were in their position. 

Love everything about your photographer even if the price is too high – There are so many photographers out there it’s almost like looking for the right person to marry. This is almost exactly how you should shop for your photographer. There shouldn’t be anything about them that bothers you, even slightly. You should feel awesome when you first meet them and awesome every time after. If the package you’re looking for is too pricey don’t compromise with a less expensive photographer. Figure out a way to work the package to a price you can afford. Having your photographer there all day isn’t necessary, especially with everyone having digital cameras and smart phones. If you don’t like the way your photographer manages their own life, or their office or you’re not truly blown away by several of their actual past wedding photos DON’T hire them.

Make your own album – Just because they are photographers doesn’t mean they are graphic designers, or that they can do it any better than you can. Yes photographers have gorgeous, expensive, high quality products they can sell to you for an arm and a leg, and you’ll feel so superior owning them until you realize you can get just as good a canvas print for way less than half the price at Costco, and you can make your own photo album. It may not be as high quality, but quality enough with companies like MyPublisher, and at prices lower than half of what your photographer might charge you. If you’re not comfortable creating your own album find out if you have a friend who is good at that kind of stuff and can do it for you.

Look for alternatives –I wish I spent more time thinking about alternatives to traditional weddings details, like real flowers or dress shoes for the guys. I wish I had seen the idea for Chucks as a shoe option for the groomsmen early on. It would have made a great bridal party gift and cool pictures. My best friend had fake flowers for her bouquets and they were awesome, as well as permanent. Centerpieces don’t have to be flower arrangements. Boutonnieres can be action figures. The cake can be a pie, although I loved my wedding cake so that is one thing I would never change. The cake topper doesn’t have to be people or even regular looking people, which is also something I wouldn’t change because my husband actually crafted miniatures of both of us for our wedding topper.

Document everything – I love email, texting, and messaging mostly because I feel like it is usually more efficient than talking on the phone. Meeting in person is great, but only if you need to figure out how you gel with someone you will be interacting with in person later, like your photographer. The best part of email, texting and messaging is having a record. Be wary of the vendors who always try to call, and make sure you follow up those calls or meetings with emails to confirm what was discussed. This will be most important following the wedding when you’re wrapping up contracts and loose ends.

Your registry should only include things you have seen in operation and will use more than once a year – There are all these wedding lists out there, including what to have on your registry. Half of what’s on these registry lists are things I’ve never even heard of. Make sure to ask yourself if you will actual use what you’re asking for.

If the food’s bad your guests won’t soon forget – Beware of the venues/caterers that don’t let you sample before signing. You might end up with a bunch of hungry and unhappy guests going to Micky D’s for cheeseburgers later on. Of all the weddings I’ve been too the only ones whose food I remember are the bad ones…and the one that had a fantastic raw seafood bar as an appetizer and lobster for the main course. Buffet or plated doesn’t matter as long as it tastes good. Don’t be afraid to go away from the standard chicken and beef options either.

If you won’t dance to it, take it off the play list – Be clear with your DJ about the songs you want and don’t want, and if you really want to make sure it all goes your way on the dance floor, don’t allow requests. This was truly a most successful part of my wedding. I danced to every song!

Toasts are not exclusive to the bridal party – Most people go with the Maid of Honor and Best Man as the toasters, but this isn’t necessary. It is especially unnecessary if they suck at public speaking. Be very aware of who you are asking to speak on your behalf. If you don’t know what kind of public speaking skills they have, ask. Be blunt. Send them examples of what they could say and videos of good and bad speeches to make sure they know you are serious. Thankfully my Maid of Honor and Best Man were good speakers and gave very memorable toasts.

Don't plan your wedding for people who won't be there – As soon as anyone on your guest list waivers on whether or not they will be able to attend a pivotal event in your life, cut them out of the planning AND tell them that you are doing that. If they don’t have the courtesy to give you a straight answer in a reasonable amount of time they don’t really care about your wedding, and you shouldn’t care about them being there. Of course there are those few exceptions like illness, having a baby, moving, being deployed, serious financial constraints, etc. Just know that it's okay for you to enforce your RSVP date.

Sometimes the best bridal party is a small one – Similar to the point above if you’ve asked people to be a part of your bridal party and they don’t seem as excited about it as they should be ditch ‘em quick. It is one of the most important days in your life, and if they are truly a good friend it should therefore be one of the most important days in their life as well.

Don’t lose your guests – If you have a lot of out-of-towners be explicit with directions. If your budget allows get a bus to transport them from ceremony to reception. Lost guests are annoying and being a lost guest is annoying.

Make your memories memorable – Standard portraits are basically a must for all weddings, but there is always room for some fun. Work with your photographer, who you LOVE, to find a location(s) to do non-traditional pics and let yourself be loose.

Wear your dress again – So many women complain about not being able to fit into their wedding dresses as if they’d wear them again any way…actually I have worn it again and will do it again. We took anniversary pics, with Chucks J and my dress fit great. We plan on doing this every year and I should be able to do it because my dress is not a zip up. It’s a lace up, meaning there’s always room for give and always the ability to wear it again.