Maybe He isn't the Inconsiderate One

I had a friend years ago who was single in a small town. I’d say there were few options for her, but the reality is it was technically a small city, not a town, and men far outnumbered women in this growing semi-oil, mostly air force city. That’s neither here nor there. Sometimes a person has to find their mate in obscure out of the way places…like me meeting my husband who lived in another country, while I lived in a large capital city. Any ways, my friend, she’s single…still I think too. (We haven’t been in contact for a while.) Single and giving online dating sites a try she finds what sounds like a great prospect. The catch? He lives a few hours away in a much bigger city.

This guy who I never meet and I don’t think she met in person either has a life in this big city and a good one at that. He is not too keen on the idea of leaving that life or that city. My friend, who took a huge leap moving to her smaller city to start her career and had been there for a few years, planted strong roots in her community, was also not keen on changing her life or location. She expressed her views to me in the context of the “big city guy” being a jerk for expecting her…or any woman he might develop a relationship with to move to his location because he didn’t want to change his own life.

If she had couched it a little differently, acknowledging her very similar position I might have responded a little less aggressively. But no! She was annoyed and spouting the negative ideas that make feminists appear hypocritical. Me…an anti-feminist with liberal tendencies…LOL…got seriously annoyed with her in return and explained that she has no right to expect him to have a different opinion. He also has roots in his community. Maybe my annoyance had more to do with personal experience being ready to leave not just a small city, but a country and a very good career to be with someone I loved, or watching the love affair my parents had with each other during their treks about the world…mom “following” dad. Bias or no, this chick and others like her have to recognize their hypocrisy.

Also…and this is the best part…for me because it’s funny…probably not for the ladies in question…if a guy is really into you he will consider changing his life for you and vice versa. That means my friend’s prospect was not much of a prospect, and neither was she in this instance.

I don’t remember her reaction to my reaction…I didn’t really care either. I still don’t. I did pick up my life and change it for a man. I risked giving my career up and needing to start all over for him. I will literally have to do this over and over because my husband’s work moves us constantly.  I don’t care though. He was willing to change his life for me and he did, in a manner. I’ve adapted. I haven’t lost my career. In fact, I’ve actually found a way to make it better. I hope my friend finds someone she is willing to pick up her life for, even if she doesn’t actually have to, and I hope he feels the same way for her.